Most foreigners who move to another country or even come to a different country for a visit, experience so-called culture shock. Culture shock is a normal process of adapting to life in another country and it is rather inevitable. Here are some tips on what to expect and how to help Russian women cope with culture shock.
First of all, culture shock is not the same as depression. Psychologists say that culture shock consists of distinct phases or stages and most people go through them in order.
The first stage of culture shock is Travel of Honeymoon stage. During this stage Russian women may experience some negative emotions such as lack of control or confusion, but overall this stage is mostly a pleasant one. Travel stage somewhat reminds romantic love. Everything seems new, interesting and exciting. You notice mostly positive things and are fascinated by them. I remember the first day in the United States. I arrived to JFK airport and even though my trip was very long and I was extremely tired, I was amazed by high buildings in NYC, by so many people of different races and cultures. I wanted to photograph everyone and everything. I loved that people, even strangers, were smiling and most of them seemed really friendly. I was in love with the United States and I thought it would always be this way.
A few weeks later I entered another stage of culture shock- Frustration Stage. Friendly people who kept smiling suddenly became irritating and I started feeling that everything and everyone were fake. Buildings in NY did not seem amazing anymore. Instead I was getting a headache from city noise, from trash on the streets and from crowds of people constantly rushing somewhere. I complained about food which was packed with chemicals; lack of dressed-up people on streets, the long distances and much more. During this stage I didn’t notice anything positive about the new culture and was scared that I may not be able to survive here.
This stage is rather depressing and there will be a time in your Russian wife’s life when she feels this way. Trying to prove that not all food is that bad and that long distances are not that long is not going to help her and will only create more fights. Listen to her, comfort her and don’t take anything personally Encourage her to talk about her culture and try to distract her. Take her out more often, help her make friends, and suggest a hobby. Be patient and remember that this stage will not last forever.
The third stage of culture shock is called the Adjustment stage. Most Russian women enter this stage during the first year of marriage. In my case it took me a few months to get there. During this stage I realized that American people were not fake and their habit to smile was just a part of the culture. I learned what a social smile and small talk were and even tried to practice them. I was trying to understand people’s mentality and not judging them too quickly. The culture started making sense.
During Adjustment stage it is safe to try explaining certain aspects of your culture to your wife or try to “defend” it if you wish. My husband was helping me out by telling me facts about American history, explaining American mentality and taking me to Russian food stores, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stand American food.
The Adjustment stage may last a few months, but may last for a couple of years. After she is done adjusting she will reach Adaptation Phase or Acceptance Phase.
During this phase new culture and country feels like second home, even though nostalgia and homesickness may never completely go away. Most Russian women never get completely Americanized, but the majority of them grows to live happily and comfortably in the American culture.
