All Russian wives and women are different and while some of them adapt to the life in a different country really easily, others struggle. A lot of it depends on how old the woman is and how attached she is to her life in Russia: to her work, her family and her friends.
This article, unlike the other ones, is going to be written specifically for Russian wives. It takes two to make a marriage work and I don’t want American guys to think that all the pressure is on them and that they are solely responsible for their wives happiness.
Usually, the younger the woman is the easier it is for her to adapt to life in the United States. However, don’t assume that if she doesn’t seem to have strong ties with Russia she will instantly feel really comfortable in your country.
I moved to the United States and got married in my early twenties. Prior to that I traveled for a bit and I was pretty independent, so my ties with my home country were not very strong. I was also used to living apart from my parents and from my childhood friends, but nevertheless adjusting to life in the United States was challenging.
It was upsetting that I couldn’t go anywhere without driving a car. It was depressing to live in a suburb after a big city. It was difficult not to have any friends or any people to talk to, because I didn’t know anyone. I got to the point when everything in the United States started irritating me: American food, people smiling for no reason, long driving distances, styles of clothing… My husband was working during the day and since my documents were in process and I didn’t have a driver’s license yet, I couldn’t think of anything better to do other than staring at the ceiling and missing my home country.
After a month of crankiness I realized that I can not continue living like this. It was up to me to change my attitude, gather myself together, find stuff to do and make myself happy. So I did it and made not only myself happy, but my husband as well.
Here are my tips to all Russian wives who are suffering from depression and homesickness during their first months in a new country.
1. Change your attitude. If you choose to be sad, you can always find things to be sad about. Try looking at positive things, such as your wonderful American husband who brought you all the way from Russia, because he loves you.
2. Don’t lock yourself in. If you drive, find Eastern European communities, clubs or churches, where you can meet people from your country and make friends. If you don’t drive, join Russian-American forums or find websites for Russian wives abroad. You may be surprised to find out how many Russians and Eastern-European people live in your area, even if your town is the size of a sneeze (just like ours).
3. Try to make friends or at least get acquainted with American people. Americans are usually very friendly and they appreciate people from different cultures and countries. This will also help your English to get better.
4. Find yourself a hobby. Learn how to cook Indian or Mexican meals. Create a blog. Learn how to crochet. Possibilities are endless.
5. Order yourself some Russian books or DVDs online. There are plenty of Russian stores on the Internet and the prices are pretty affordable.
Remember that no matter how depressed you might be, this is not your husband’s fault. He didn’t force you to come to the United States, so don’t take your anger out on him. He probably has no clue how you feel, because he has never been in such a situation. Instead of expecting him to cure your depression, talk to him and tell him how you feel. One of the things that I learned from travelling and living in different countries is that men all over the world have one thing in common: they don’t get hints. Don’t think that he is an insensitive jerk if he doesn’t know that adapting to a life in a new country is not easy. Explain why you might be sad and tell him how exactly he can help you, whether it is a ride to a Russian church, a prepaid phone card to Russia or a trip to a Russian store.
