Even though usually successful, Russian-American marriages are full of challenges and it is always better to be prepared for them instead of expecting a paradise-like marriage. Plenty of things may go wrong and it is hard to predict all of them, but here are a few major things to keep in mind before you get frustrated with your Russian wife.
1. Your Russian wife telling you what to do and acting too “motherly”.
Russian women respect their men and husbands are often considered to be the head of the household. However, in Russian culture women are often treating guys as if they were kids and guys don’t mind it. They fix their ties before they go to work, pack for them before they travel and if a woman has to go on a trip, she will be sure to make plenty of dinners and lunches, so her husband will not die from hunger. If you get sick, she will most likely be asking you if you need anything every 10 minutes, making you chicken soup and bringing you herbal teas whether you asked for them or not. This is what good wives do, according to Russian culture, so don’t take it personally if your Russian wife seems to treat you like a baby.
2. Your Russian wife spends too much time fixing her hair and doing her make-up and she dresses up every day, even if she doesn’t get out of the house.
Many women get Americanized and switch to more comfortable clothing sooner or later, but since from their childhood Russian women are taught that they should always look pretty, they put a lot of effort in order to do so.
3. She has difficulties understanding you even though her language seemed to be decent while you corresponded.
Oral language is different than written and many people find it easier to write than to speak. Even if she speaks well, she still may have trouble understanding the American accent and especially slang, so be patient with her. British English is taught in most Russian schools and colleges, so it will take her awhile to switch from British to American English.
4. Your Russian wife is complaining about the U.S. and seems to be constantly depressed and homesick.
Depression happens to many immigrants and complaining about a new country is a common way to make them feel better.
I remember constantly complaining about food and talking about my grandmother’s cooking. I also liked to criticize the way people dressed and talked. I couldn’t stand small talk, because we don’t have it in my culture, so I always felt awkward when someone who I knew didn’t care about me asked me how I was doing.
Every other time I opened my mouth to speak, my sentence would start with : “But in my country…”
No matter what she says, don’t take it personally. If she is complaining, it doesn’t mean that she is unhappy with you or your marriage. Russians are patriots. They have very strong family ties and extremely close friendships. It is not easy to let all these go no matter how wonderful you are and how successful your marriage is. Give her time and homesickness will eventually go away and she will feel comfortable in your country as well.
As a matter of fact, most things which annoy you in the beginning of your marriage will go away and a couple of years later you will be laughing about them and maybe even writing articles like this one to help other fellows deal with cultural differences.
