Intercultural marriages can be very exciting and adventurous. Many intercultural couples say that being different adds dynamics to the relationship and helps them become more open-minded, nuanced and tolerant. While this is true, intercultural marriages can also be really challenging. They require lots of work, dedication and commitment.
When people hear the term “intercultural marriage” they often think of a marriage between people from two different countries. While such marriage certainly falls under the intercultural marriage category, the definition of culture is very broad. Even people who grew up on the same street can belong to different cultures. Children of divorce didn’t grow up in the same culture as children of a traditional family. Children of doctors most likely didn’t grow up in the same culture as children of housekeepers; they will think differently and they probably will not agree on many important issues.
Even though people from different countries usually have more cultural differences, such marriages have more chances to succeed. The reason for this is the fact that people who are marrying an alien are expecting them to be different. They are usually prepared for the challenges and they don’t necessarily get furious when their spouse thinks differently.
To increase your chances to have a happy marriage, you need to take cultural differences seriously and learn about the culture before you even start a relationship. Determine what is it that you want from your partner and see if this is common in their culture.
For example, if you don’t want to have children, you will probably not be happy with a Russian woman. Russian and Eastern European women love children and they feel incomplete without them. They are also not feminists, so keep this in mind if the woman of your dreams has to be independent and self-sufficient.
If after you do your research you still want to pursue a partner from a different culture, make sure to be respectful and open-minded if there is something in their culture that seems odd to you. Your way is not necessarily the right way, but it doesn’t mean that you have to completely adapt to your partner’s culture. You need to learn how to compromise without hurting each others feelings and how to be sensitive. It is not easy to break habits and to adapt to a new culture, so give yourself and your partner some time.
A great number of marriages, intercultural or not, fail due to communication problems. People don’t take time to communicate. They don’t seem to know how to share their problems and concerns with each other without anger and in the right time. If two people speak different languages, this challenge can be even harder, but you must overcome it and make efforts to improve your communication if you want your marriage to last.
Be patient with each other; help your partner learn the new language. Ask each other questions about your cultures, childhood, dreams, feelings and concerns. Never underestimate the power of communication. Even if you have been married for more than ten years, there are still plenty of things to learn about each other. If you don’t understand something about your partner’s culture, learn some history; find out where the tradition came from, why is it significant to people. If after doing this you still don’t agree with it at least it should help you understand and develop respect to the other way of thinking and acting.
Intercultural relationship will require work and extra effort, but every challenge you overcome will also strengthen the bond between the two of you and make your relationship and your marriage solid and unbreakable.
