Marriage agencies swear that Russian-American marriages are the most successful ones. They often make it sound that if you found yourself a Russian wife you can relax and be sure that she will be loyal, faithful, forever gorgeous and make your life a paradise. While it is true that statistically (according to INS) Russian-American marriages don’t end in divorce as often as Russian or American marriages do, many intercultural couples are still having their fair share of problems.
If you are married to a Russian woman, you have probably experienced some of these problems as well. No matter how perfect the partner seems to each other, difficulties will still occur and it is a good idea to be prepared for them. I know a Russian-American couple who almost got divorced because both partners had unrealistic expectations of each other. Both of them, brainwashed by the marriage agencies, thought that the fact that Russian female and American male cultures work so well together is enough for their marriage to be perfect. They were very disappointed to find out that it indeed wasn’t and that their marriage, just like anyone else’s marriage required lots of work. Thankfully, they were able to find a great counselor who helped them work it out and now they seem very happy with their marriage and with each other.
My husband and I had our difficulties as well, but since we didn’t meet through an agency, we were not expecting everything to go smoothly. The first year of our marriage was the hardest, primarily because of a number of culture clashes which occurred between us. We were not familiar with each other’s cultures enough and were taking offence at things which were simply cultural.
Above said, I still think that it is safe to assume that Russian-American marriages have more chances to succeed. Even though culture differences can cause some problems, (especially if the couple is not prepared for them), they can also make the marriage stronger.
Most Russian and Eastern European women are terrified of being single, so they have very strong family values. They value their marriage and family more than anything and do their best to make it work. They are dedicated and loyal and they like to give their men authority, which many Western men find appealing. Psychologists say that men like women who give them authority, because it gives them self-affirmation and boosts their self-esteem. As a result they become more loving and caring, which, of course, women like.
There are usually two main reasons why Russian-American marriages fail. One of them is big age difference (25 years or more), even if the bride seems very mature for her age. Another reason is the one I mentioned above: unrealistic expectations of each other. If both partners think their marriage is going to work out just because most Russian-American marriages do, it most likely won’t. Marriage is hard work (which is well worth it, of course) and it takes both partners to realize it.
So whether you are just thinking of getting married to a Russian or an Eastern-European woman or are married to one already, remember that no matter what marriage agencies are making you believe, there is no magic. If you want to have a successful marriage you have to be aware of each others cultures, be open-minded and ready to forgive. And if you do, happiness will be right around the corner.
