They often say that when you marry someone who is close to their family, you are marrying the family as well. If your Russian bride’s family lived closer to you, this would most likely be the case as well. Russians have closer family ties than most Westerners and it is quite common for family members to be actively involved in each other’s lives.
Since her family is going to be thousands of miles away, you don’t have to worry about it too much. However, you will have to deal with your Russian bride’s relatives to some extent anyway, so here are some tips on what to expect and how to deal with it.
Many Western men travel to Russia within the first year of being married to their Russian woman. Some travel prior to the wedding, but it is a little bit different to go there as a boyfriend, fiancé or an official husband.
When you travel to Russia as a husband, expect even a warmer welcome than you did before you were married. Russians are very hospitable; it is a part of their culture, so they treat guests, especially foreign guests, very well. Pride is another important part of a Russian culture, so even if you know that your Russian bride’s parents are not rich, most likely they will throw you a feast and try to make your stay as comfortable as if you were a king. Russians don’t like to admit that they have financial problems or that they are poor, so it is common for them to spend their entire paycheck just to impress the guest.
Older generations of Russians are rarely fluent in English, so your Russian wife will have to translate everything that is going on. If she is tactful and smart, she may choose not to translate certain things which can make you uncomfortable. For example, Russians love to give unsolicited advice, and the older generation literally feels that it is their job to “educate” the youngest. Since Americans are very independent and usually live on their own when they are in their early twenties, they may take such advice as an offence.
If you happen to get lots of the unwanted advice, don’t get offended and don’t argue with anyone. It is part of the culture and it is almost expected to hear the advice from your parents and in-laws all the time. You don’t have to take any of the advice. Nod, smile politely, don’t argue and do things your way.
If you were in Russia before you know that gift giving is a very important part of Russian culture. Don’t be surprised if your Russian bride asks you to go gift shopping before you travel to Russia. It is expected that if you are going to visit someone, you have to bring presents, especially if you are staying with them. Now that you have your wife with you, you won’t have to worry about what to get. She will be happy to come up with gifts ideas and do the shopping.
Even if you are not going to travel to Russia with your wife, you may still have to deal with her relatives. Most Russian women are close to their mothers and siblings, so don’t be surprised if she spends more than an hour a day talking to her relatives and don’t roll your eyes. If she lived with her parents and siblings, it would be very hard for her not to keep in touch with them every day. She may not need to have contact with them so frequently once she adapts to life in the United States, finds friends, a job and has children, but expect her to have long phone conversations during the first year of marriage.
In my articles I tend to generalize certain things just to give you a feel of what the Russian culture is like. However, every family and every woman is unique, so if something doesn’t go as you expected, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them. It just means that for some reason they are different, which might even be a good thing.
