Russian culture may be hard to understand because it often contradicts itself. Russian ladies wouldn’t disclose personal details to strangers, but at the same time they wouldn’t have a problem entering each others rooms without knocking or opening their spouses mail (‘You are my husband, you shouldn’t have secrets from me”. Russians are very emotional, but because they often hide their emotions they are often perceived as cold and impersonal.
To truly understand the culture you should live in Russia or among Russians for awhile, although even then some things still may be difficult to comprehend.
Russians are very emotional, but depending on situations, they can hide it pretty well. It is not as common for bride and groom to cry at weddings as it is here. In fact, in Russia they teach the guys to be tough and not only to avoid crying in public, but avoid crying, period.
At some situations Russian ladies and Russians in general will be too emotional, which may confuse Western people. Gestures, winks and body language often mean more than words, so if you are trying to understand what the person really means, watch their facial expressions and body language. I remember it was common for our high school teachers to yell at students, but it wasn’t taken as an offense. Once I was yelled at for not entering a literature competition, which took place in our city. I didn’t feel like it and my teacher thought that I was missing out on a great opportunity. She yelled and yelled, and what she was saying wasn’t pleasant (it was something like: “How can someone be so stupid and lazy? This is unbelievable!” etc. etc), but I wasn’t offended. Her eyes were kind and even though she was shaking her head her face wasn’t angry.
I remember when my American husband and I went to Belarus we wanted to invite our friends and family to a restaurant, so we went to see the administrator a couple of days earlier to discuss the menu and make reservations. My husband who speaks some Russian couldn’t understand why the administrator was yelling at me and saying the things she did when I told her what I wanted to order. We just had a disagreement on portion sizes and on what would go well with what. In America you would never see an administrator or a manager talking to at a customer in a yelling manner (especially when there is no good reason to do so). And if does happen, I bet that this customer is never going to go back to that place. In my country it is not such a big deal.
I didn’t realize it until I moved to the U.S. and then went back for a visit. I noticed that my family speaks in raised voice (a nice way of saying “yell” 75 percent of the time and they do appear very emotional, which I didn’t notice before.
Displaying emotions this way is something that Russians do and unless they are interculturally competent and travel a lot they may not even realize that other nations may find it awkward and uncomfortable.
On the other hand, Russians may appear cold, because they don’t smile unless they really mean it and they are not going to give you compliments unless they believe that you really deserve them. In comparison to Americans, Russians are pretty cold and may even appear rude to strangers, but much warmer, kinder and more generous to those they know and like.
Of course these are all generalizations and you may run into Russian ladies and Russian guys who do not fit this stereotype, but the majority does, so it is a good idea to be prepared.
