The question on how long it will take for a Russian wife to adapt to the life in the United States is usually asked by the impatient and frustrated newlywed husbands.
A paradise-like marriage, described by marriage agencies turns out to be a reality which is not always pleasant. Surely, the wife is still beautiful, feminine and family-oriented, but she is also homesick, possibly depressed and incredibly frustrated with the new culture (which is not what she expected at all) and the new language (which she thought she already knew). As a result, her husband in frustrated as well because after all the money, time and effort he spent searching for a Russian wife and bringing her over, he deserves paradise, peace and a perfect marriage.
The good news is, adapting to a new culture usually doesn’t take that long. You should not expect your Russian wife to Americanize completely, even after 10 years in the country. Some traits and habits will always stay with her and there will be many aspects of American culture which she will never understand or accept, but overall the most difficult and frustrating period for both doesn’t usually take more than a year and if instead of pitying yourself you are ready to take action and help your wife to adapt, it should take much less.
The process of adapting to the new culture depends on many factors, such as age, open-mindless, personality and the strength of ties which your Russian wife has with her native country. But most importantly, it is the desire to actually adapt to the new culture, which some women I know are lacking.
I have a friend who has been in the U.S. for more than 5 years. She still barely speaks any English (her husband speaks some Russian), she doesn’t drive and she doesn’t have any non-Russian friends. She is not happy and she misses Russia terribly. While I feel sorry for her, I know that this is her (and somewhat her husband’s) own fault. She says it is hard for her to learn English, but instead of actually learning it she watches Russian TV 24/7, reads Russian books which she buys at the Russian store, browses Russian websites and talks to Russian people. Many of my friends as well as me also do these things, but we don’t purposely disconnect ourselves from American TV, English books and American people.
I remember there was a time when reading a Russian book was much easier than reading an English one. I also remember when I didn’t feel like making friends with any Americans, because I thought they didn’t understand my mentality and my essence and couldn’t relate to the way I feel. But I also knew that unless I start reading in English and start making new friends I will never be comfortable in this country, so I did it. And so did most of my Russian female friends. Other than the person mentioned above I don’t know a single Russian wife who regrets moving to the U.S. and who can’t stand her life here. Yes, everyone complains once in awhile, but I truly believe that it is just the human nature and has nothing to do with moving to another country.
So while you should be supportive and understanding when your Russian wife wants to watch Russian moves or read Russian books, encourage her to get out, buy English books and good American movies for her birthday and no matter how frustrated you might be, try not to show it to her, because it will only make the matters worse.
