Even if you read a dozen of books about Russian wives, Russian culture, customs and traditions, there still will be things which will confuse you, frustrate you and make you wonder. You can not learn the culture well without actually experiencing it and it is very likely that the first time you really experience the culture is when you and your Russian wife will start living together.
I already wrote about Russian traditions and important elements of Russian culture. This article I want to dedicate to unwritten rules, which many Western men are not aware of.
1. Superstitions. Many Russians are very superstitious. It has nothing to do with their religious beliefs; it is just part of their culture. Depending on where your wife is from, her superstitious beliefs as well as how superstitious she is will vary. It is impossible to name all superstitions Russian wives may have, so the best thing to do is to ask your wife if she has any. Or if you see her doing something freaky, don’t think she lost her sanity, but gently ask what the heck she is doing and what does that supposed to mean.
Some examples of superstitious beliefs are:
* knocking on wood when someone says something positive (in order not to jinx it) or spitting over the shoulder.
* not crossing the road after the black cat did. (it has to be a completely black cat, without any white spots on him)
* sitting quietly for a few minutes before going on a trip and not washing the floor right after the person left.
* Not whistling in the house (Russians believe that by doing that you are whistling your money away from the house).
2. Smiles. Russians don’t smile as much as Americans do, so expect your Russian wife to not smile much during the first year of your marriage. Later she will probably get Americanized like I did and smile just as much, but it is not going to happen right away. Every time I go back to Russia, my friends tell me that I smile too much and I think they might be a bit annoyed (even though they don’t tell me that).
Don’t bother your wife with questions like: Why are you sad? Why are you not smiling? Are you unhappy with me or with living here?
Russians don’t smile much, but it doesn’t mean they are unhappy. Just like everything else, it is a part of their culture. For example, in Russia it is considered unprofessional for news anchors to smile while here in the US it is perfectly fine. Russians can’t stand fake smiles (like the ones the cashiers give you at the stores just because they have to) and they prefer sincere anger to insincere joy.
3. Greetings. I always recommend that American guys warn their Russian wives about the way Americans greet each other. Otherwise she may freak out. In Russia people greet each other only once during the day and they don’t say “Hi” every time they run into each other.
You should also warn her that it is OK in this country to greet strangers and to smile at them. In Russia, if a stranger smiles at you, it means that he/she is either interested in you (in a romantic way) or that he thinks you look funny. If a stranger starts casually talking to you, again, he is either interested in you or he wants something from you, so you should probably run away.
I will never forget my first trip to the Post Office with my Russian friend. We were standing in line speaking in Russian when a guy standing next to us asked us where we were from and smiled. We got so scared we didn’t even answer him. We stopped looking at each other and prayed that he leaves us alone. Then we almost ran away from the Post Office and kept looking back making sure the “maniac” didn’t follow us. Poor guy probably thought that we were either awfully rude, or didn’t speak English. Small talk is NOT part of a Russian culture.
(to be continued…)
