In my previous article “Russian Wives and Unwritten Rules” I wrote about smiles, greetings and superstitions – important elements of a Russian culture. Today I will write about two more, not any less significant unwritten rules, which you should keep in mind to make your life easier.
4. Privacy. Even though I already wrote a post about privacy, I feel that it is important enough to refresh the memory and emphasize the issue. Russians are very private when it comes to certain things, so you should warn your wife that Americans are different and explain to her that they don’t have bad intentions.
Many newly married Russian wives complain about the lack of tact that Westerners have when it comes to pregnancy – a very private matter in Russians’ eyes. It is not OK for anyone other than close friends and close family members to ask a pregnant woman what she is having, what number it is and when is the due date. It is not OK for strangers or acquaintances to touch the belly either. Most Russian women don’t know that these things are quite common in this country (it is not written in any books about t American culture, trust me), so they stay in shock for quite awhile after this “inappropriate” incidents occur.
Another thing about pregnancy which is a no-no in Russia is a baby shower. Russians don’t celebrate the child until he or she is born. It could be due to superstitions, or could simply be the part of the culture which has no explanation, but you don’t throw a shower or bring baby gifts to a pregnant woman. Of course, when I was pregnant, my husband didn’t know it (he didn’t have these articles to read) and when my American friends decided to throw me a shower, he didn’t warn them that it would be inappropriate in my culture.
Since I am probably the least superstitious Russian person I know, it didn’t bother me too much, but my grandmother and my mother nearly had heart attacks when they heard what my friends had done.
5. Gift giving. If you were paying attention to the previous articles you know that gift giving is a huge part of Russian culture. This is also written in books and guides about Russia, so I am sure it is not a surprise to you. What is not written however is the way Russians act when they receive the gifts.
In Russian culture it is considered to be polite to deny the gift a couple of times. The person is not really “denying” it. It is more like “how are you doing” social ritual in America. You don’t really care how the person is doing and you never answer the truth, but you ask anyway because it is kind of what everyone does.
The same goes to gift giving in Russia. You give a gift. The person says something like:
- Oh, you didn’t have to;
or
* I can’t take it, it is too expensive;
* Please, don’t buy me any gifts next time.
It doesn’t mean that you should put the gift back to your bag and not buy any more gifts. You are supposed to insist that the person takes the gift. These rituals are usually not common after the couple is married for awhile, but many Russian wives will act this way in the beginning just because that’s what they think is polite.
There are exceptions to this rule though, but it is a completely different topic, which I am planning to cover in my next article. Stay tuned and you will find out not only what these exceptions are, but learn a Russian verb, which doesn’t even have an equivalent in English, but which is crucial to anyone who wants to have a successful relationship with a Russian woman.
