by Natalia Chajkovskaya

If you are reading this site you probably already are in an established relationship with a Russian or an Eastern European woman and hopefully have won at least a part of her heart. Whatever the status of your relationship is, there is always room for improvement and I feel that it is crucial for Western men to know what Russian women expect from the man they are courting.

The benefits of dating a Russian woman can be great. Yet the process in Russia and Eastern European countries differs from that in the U.S. In America, for example, it is normal for a woman to invite a guy out on a date or to split a bill with him at a restaurant. Both of these are a big No-No in Eastern Europe. No matter how deeply and madly the girl is in love with the guy, she should not initiate their dating. The girls who do that are not respected in Russian/Eastern European society and are often called the word which, if to put politely, describes the oldest profession.

The same goes for splitting a bill. The Russian guy who suggests splitting the bill will be dumped for being rude, disrespectful and greedy. If for some reason a Russian girl offers splitting the bill, or even worse, offers to pay for the meal, and the guy is OK with that, there is a good chance he will be dumped as well. These are unwritten rules and all cultural Russian people are aware of them.

The “mystery” word which I mentioned previously is a Russian word “uchazhivat’”. Every Russian guy knows that if you want to win a girl’s attention (a decent girl’s), you should “uchazhivat” after her.

I found it interesting that this word doesn’t exist in the English language. Russian-English dictionaries translate it as “take care of”, which is the second meaning of this word and is used only in reference of taking care of people who can’t take care of themselves.

So “uchazhivat” is a verb, which basically means giving the girl all your attention, bringing her flowers, treating her like a queen, bringing little gifts and surprises without asking much in return. The gift giving process I wrote about last week, does not apply here. A girl will take the flowers like it is her job just because it is the part of the process. When you meet a woman online, it may be a bit different, but when she comes here on a fiancé visa, make sure to properly “uchazhivat” after her.

I knew that the courting process is different in this country and I felt very awkward when my husband-to-be at the time invited me to an expensive restaurant. I wasn’t going to dump him if he would have suggested splitting the bill, because I was already in love and because I knew that his culture was different. This was our first date, but all I could think of was whether he was going to pay for my dinner or not, because I only had 10 bucks on me. Now we laugh about it, but believe me, it was not funny then.

Even if a woman you are dating knows that American culture is different, she will still secretly hope that you will try winning her heart the Russian way and be the gentleman she dreamt of since she was a little girl. Trust me on this one!